The beginning...

This all started on Saturday 23rd May 2020, during a conversation with a friend – about nothing concerning - but the phrase: “domestic abuse” came up so I Googled the definition of it.

I wanted to understand the broadness of the situation. I should disclaim, I have never been a victim of domestic abuse; this was simply an objective interest which escalated from this very Google search into something much bigger. I clicked on the first search result to the N.D.A. Helpline (https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/).

I scrolled through the pink and white website and clicked on the box titled “What is domestic abuse?” - that seemed like it would answer my question. I continued through, of course trusting that a National Helpline site was the place to go for an accurate definition of the wide-ranging subject matter I was looking into.

I read it several times and couldn’t fully digest it. This clearly asks the question “What is abuse?” then answers it with the definition that males are the abusers, with no consideration for the heterosexual male victims of female abusers, nor many members of the LGBTQ+ community. I was unaware of the statistics at this point, like you may be right now, but something didn't feel right.

Having connected the dots, I realised that this website wasn’t targeted at male victims, but women and children – clearly.

However, the generalisation bugged me a little to say the least. Well, it bugged me enough to take a screenshot and post onto my small private Instagram account and ask my friends what they thought of it. The responses that I received were unanimous.

Beneath this paragraph and a still image of two women talking over a desk, the words read “domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, background, gender, religion, sexuality or ethnicity”.

Any gender.

I re-read the first definition and it still didn’t make sense to me that they were acknowledging it can happen to anyone, yet still targeting it at half of the population (excluding the male children that are concerned).

Of course, there is a societal idea, that I was fully aware of, that women are more often the victims than the abusers. My research has shown that this is far from an idea, but a statistical fact – women are more often the victims than the abusers in reported cases. Disclaimer again: I am not here to create a discussion about the fact that males are under-represented in these statistics or that women abuse men just as much. This really doesn’t seem to be the case. However, I do believe; through my initial intake of the N.D.A. Helpline page and a great deal of research, that the inequality of outreach programmes and marketing campaigns towards male victims opposed to females is imbalanced significantly and could potentially have an impact on a male’s response to domestic abuse. A perfectly natural objection to this statement would be that, as the statistics show, women are abused more, therefore there should be more money, time and resources spent on their safety – and to a degree, I understand that. However, the more I look into this subject, the more I've questioned the impact this has on the male state, particularly regarding themes of masculinity and male image. By limiting outreach to a minority because they are the 'minority', doesn't that force them to always be that and feel like it?

On my first (of 6) Instagram rants, I asked my trusted limited number of friends “does that second statement make the generalisation okay?” – the second statement being how domestic abuse can happen to anyone. My second post included Figure 3, where the site lists all of the signs of domestic abuse. I asked my followers the following;

“Now imagine you’re a man who’s concerned about domestic abuse

from his female partner? Wouldn’t reading male pronouns constantly

listed make you feel slightly less likely to want to act on it/more

likely to dismiss the subject?”

Here is where I realised a fatal mistake. This site was clearly not aimed at men. “But it was the first search result for what you Googled,” I hear you ponder. “Surely the first result would be relevant to all victims of domestic abuse, especially when it's pinned at the top of any search regarding domestic abuse?!” Evidently not.

The rest of my Instagram posts included statistics regarding the ratio between male and female victims. What angered me the most was the use of the word “most” in these definitions. My first intake of statistics provided sufficient evidence that near 1/3 of the victims were male. 1/3 feels like it should be taken a little bit more seriously. If someone ate 1/3 of my pie, I’m not going to be all that happy. If 1/3 of a group is under-represented, that’s a lot of people who could cause a fuss, not even mentioning the families, friends and lives around the circumstances. I should point out here that there are many other statistics, some higher and some lower which I will outline too to ensure objectivity, however the most trustworthy facts indicated one third.

This is where this investigation began. I started by writing a report (of around 20-30 illegible pages) to declare my findings in an attempt to use academic writing to spread awareness. I soon realised this would not work, so I am here.

I'll outline my plans on this site in greater detail, and in future posts, but here's an introduction to them:

1. The nation needs to be made aware that the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is not for all victims - only two thirds - and something needs to change about this considering that it is the most widespread UK service out there.

2. Things need to change; the stigma around masculinity needs to be talked about and the public idea of 'men = abusers, women = victims' has to change. It's dangerous.

3. People need to realise, by not providing an equal amount of support to the 'minority' of victims, you are going to silence them - especially when they are statistically less likely to come forward because of society's archaic gender pressures on men.

So, welcome to my blog. I'm here to create discussions, awareness and support to everyone. Every Victim has Every Right to the necessary support - no matter the statistics or misinformed public ideas.

I hope we can all help.