This all began with a conversation and a series of surprised Instagram posts, where I longed for one of my friends to tell me I was wrong - to tell me I was reading into things too much. No one did, so here I am.
The fourth of my private Instagram posts featured a link to the UK government’s official page on domestic abuse. Interestingly, when I searched the term “domestic abuse”, the UK government’s site was the fourth result, right behind 3 female-targeted victim sites.
As I scrolled past the fourth result, all the way down to the ninth of that search page, there were no sites clearly or specifically aimed at men. Google search results can change constantly, depending on site activity and search capacities, however that shouldn’t be of concern when searching for domestic abuse advice – I Googled the term and the only support that became easily handed to me was for women and children, not men.
The government’s official guidance site did not feature any gender-specific pronouns when describing domestic abuse. “Hoorah.” I exclaimed in my Instagram update. However, near the top of the page, there was a helpline link – in case somebody needs help and decides to click on the fourth result of their “domestic abuse” search instead of the first few...?
Now imagine my shock, having already noticed a disparity in the number of opposing gender-targeted sites upon my initial search – when I saw that this link took me straight back to my very first site; the Refuge and Women's Aid page titled N.D.A. Helpline.
In case you’re unsure of why I found this shocking, let’s recap.
The N.D.A. Helpline site was the first site to come up when Googling the search terms “domestic abuse” and “definition of domestic abuse”.
The site is run by 2 registered women and children charities called Refuge and Women's Aid.
We clearly see through the strong use of male-referenced pronouns that the advice is aimed at women and the charity’s clear message in the slogan ("For women and children. Against domestic abuse.") shows that this site is not for men.
It may be accessible to men, but it is not aimed at men; therefore, a male’s initial response would surely be to not take on the guidance nor utilise its services?
In short, the government is providing primary links to sites regarding support for domestic abuse that are specifically and clearly aimed at women and children. Therefore, they are neglecting the male victims - which I’ve initially established as approximately one third of the victim ratio.
The man in me, as I am a man, if you weren’t aware, inwardly questioned “what about us?”. I wasn’t seeking any sort of help for myself as a male victim of domestic abuse, but I suddenly felt compelled to understand the process I would have to go through to seek help if I were a victim. This fast Google search suggested to me it would not be as simple for men to find themselves specifically-targeted guidance/support.
Here is another point where I need to make something really clear, I am not suggesting women and children shouldn’t be entitled to the first search result, or the second, third etc. – any victim of domestic abuse should be able to seek the help they need in an instant Google search – that is the way the world works and why the internet is such a prevalent tool in modern society. But the keyword I am using here is any.
It goes much further than this as I explore other areas regarding gender and domestic abuse support, however this is where it all began – a simple Google search that any gender victim could have searched in a moment of strength.
I want to know what difference that moment could have on a male’s findings against a woman’s findings. Instantly, we can tell that women are more likely to find relevant advice quicker and easier to digest, given the fact that all of these main search terms are either generically written or subjective to women specifically. This is before we look into the effects of the LGBTQ+ community, which is something I regrettably did not even begin to consider until much later into my research.
As I said, this all started with a discussion between myself and a friend. We were discussing a conversation we had seen between a couple where the girl was (I’m trying to sound as objective as I can here) speaking to the boy in an increasingly belittling and vulgar manner. My friend concluded our discussion with “If it was a boy saying this to a girl it would scream domestic abuse”. That is why I initially Googled the term. I agreed with her statement, but I knew that there are so many taboo-tripwires all around these sorts of gender discussions. I wanted to know what the official online advice had to say about this. I Googled to see what the online world thought about this gender disparity that I had acknowledged.
You can understand my shock further now as all of my initial search results pointed to women being the victims. It was this obvious gender generalisation that worried me, and my findings only developed this concern. My friend was right in what she said; there is a difference in the minds of society regarding what constitutes domestic abuse which is dependent on gender.
On day 1 of my research, I devised a sort of hypothesis for what I wanted to explore. Whilst continuing to research and learn, I realised I wanted to change things. I believe that surely, as we minimise the marketing and outreach to male victims, aren’t we effectively silencing them? How long can this strategy sustain before more people realise the possible effect this can have on the safety of males in domestically abusive relationships?